Today would have been our 11th anniversary

And Ken is not with me to celebrate it. We were together for a year and 4 months before we got married, and were married for 10 years and 9 months and 10 days before he passed away. Which means we had almost exactly 12 years together. Those 12 years were the best years of my life to-date. Ken was such an amazing person, as my family and friends can also testify. He was a true gentleman, one of the old school of thought where courtesy and kindness meant a lot, and a truly gentle man as well. A fantastic sense of humour, brilliant one liners that really got people laughing, and a wonderful friend. He was my husband, my love, my best friend, my favourite enemy. All in one person. And every day with him was truly Valentine's Day.

We could talk about anything, and found that we only had to see something and look at each other and realise we had the same thought at the same time. It was just as easy to sit and do nothing with Ken as it was to get out and about with him. Mind you, he could never sit still for long - he was so restless and would always want to be out and about DOING something. And everywhere he went, whether at work or at home or at friends houses, or just out walking, he would be whistling, humming, singing. He had music running in him all the time and it would manifest itself at all times that he was not otherwise occupied. His colleagues tell me that even in the office he would always be whistling or humming. He even used to practice his clarinet at 7.30am in the office! The song that he would always sing specially for me was an Eagles song - Peaceful Easy Feeling. He said it described how he felt about me from the day we first met. It was amazing being serenaded by Ken - sometimes on guitar, sometimes on piano. I loved to listen to him sing as he had such a lovely mellow voice. I won't hear that voice any more, and it really hurts :'(

I can hardly see the screen in front of me for the tears.

BUT I know he would not want me to be depressed for the rest of my life. I know he would want me to just get on with life and get back to being my usual cheerful optimistic self. OK, so it will take some time to get back to that and I know that Ken will be with me for the rest of my life - in my heart and in my head - but I will keep on keeping on.

To my family and friends, don't get too worried if I start crying for no reason. It's most likely that I would have just seen or heard something that made me think of Ken. You guys just treat me as normal, accept that I will get over the tears, and that life just goes on.

Till next time..